Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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