Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
do nipples grow back?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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