I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
