Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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