You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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