A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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