the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
