Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Randomize
