Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
