YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Every concussion has its silver lining
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
