Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
