I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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