would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
