escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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