I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
