you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
