3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize