Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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