wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
too bad you live with your parents still
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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