Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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