I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
