Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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