I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
