Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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