Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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