paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
