Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
