UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
