I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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