I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
