you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
