new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
