weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dick very happy bro
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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