my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
