We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
