I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
