I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
