Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
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you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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