apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
