Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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