my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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