Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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