hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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