I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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