things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
