He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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