youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My vagina is officially offended.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.