I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
