Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(602): View more from Arizona

I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.

(623): View more from Arizona

Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.

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(406): View more from Montana

someone owes me an orgasm

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(208): View more from Idaho

Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly

(1-208): View more from Idaho

What is a GED?

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(517): View more from Michigan

I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(775): View more from Nevada

So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.

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(757): View more from Virginia

We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.

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(809): View more from Caribbean Islands

somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying

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(949): View more from California

Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.

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