You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
