Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
