The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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