I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
