thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
