he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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