im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
