im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
