No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
