If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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