everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
