i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
