you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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