My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
