there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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