Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We had to coat check the pizza.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
