I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
