My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
