Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
one might say we're banned from that church
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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