The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
