Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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