There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
